A message to the mother who wanted her daughter to be like me

I see the clear sky.

So clear that it might ripple

when an airplane dips to the clouds like birds on water.

I see the calm blue sea.

So calm that no one desires to breathe.

Daunted of the crease and disturbance they’ll make

to the quiet blanket of blue.

But the sky is trying hard

to gather the whitest of clouds

to deceive people that it is another bright day.

Did we see the dark clouds underneath the thick fog displayed

Threatening to cry?

We see the calm sea. We notice how it is serenely existing

when the rest of the world is full of violence and anger.

But did we notice the war of the ocean?

That in the surface she is so calm but below

she is lost, trying to determine

the wonders of her own body,

of her own soul.

If she has limits or Marianas Trench is just a myth?

If there are really monsters inside her or it’s just people’s talk?

Things, no matter how pleasing they are, have dark corners.

A girl says “I am where I’m supposed to be.”

Her hair is in a incorrigble tangle of mess of her past

so she decided to cut them short.

Her hands are full of thorns and splinters from her journeys

as if life thrusts them to her skin so she could show everyone

how she endured it all.

But did we see the lie on her eyes even before she spat the first word?

Did we see that with all she accomplished in life, they’re not making her happy?

She is screaming inside her and everyday too.

In front of the mirror telling herself how ugly she is.

And those eyes reminding her how she is seeing

and yet remained blind about the battle she’s fighting.

Her moves are impalpable, always tentative. Doubtful.

Her head are ducked everytime she is walking

as if she could push her head lower, she would.

Her laughs are so dark  that the shadows of all her nightmares

are rolling out of her tongue while she is laughing, it is scary.

She thinks that everything in the world is in their rightful place

except her existence.

And she’s the girl you want your daughter to change to.

So please do not hope your child to become another

person because you’ll never know what

that person has learned to show

and to hide.

The Night Sky

 

As for an exordium, a certain ringing in my ear is the only thing I am hearing at the moment. The night offers a violescent light from the moon and the stars that stretches across my peripheral. The silent blow of the wind whispers a poem about how the night is extraordinary magical with me in it. I am just standing in the middle of the road but I feel I’m standing over the clouds having the best spot in heaven.

Closing my eyes and get ridding anything wandering inside my mind, I know this is the most solemn event happened to me ever.

I even raise my arms, feeling the embrace of the night sky and I pray a silent prayer for all the things I have and for all the things I don’t.

Like the serenity of the night.

I pray to God that if he is feeling generous tonight, he can give the night sky to me. But on the other hand, If I’m enjoying it every night this lifetime, then the night sky is already mine.

Verge of the Skyscraper

I don’t know about you but this is my favorite place. I’m standing here so high that no one can see me but probably God. I’m frozen up here and no one can touch me but the fingers of air and the heat of sunlight. This exquisite feeling that no other place can make me feel, priceless.

If I look down, I will see beautiful things: little people as small as ants walking towards opposing ways, I will see cars screeching like a small mosquito buzz in my ear and will see those bright-colored umbrellas dancing below me, taunting me to reach for them. They will bring me the desire to laugh like crazy as their grandeur amazes me.

I saw them everytime I was up here. But today is different.

But I will not look down.

Will never look below.

I will not see them.

Not because I’m scared of the heights. It is because most of the times I’m apprehensive. I know that just a single step forward will make all my worries vanish. Just a single step and I’ll be free from despondence, hatred, dread and living havoc.

Just. A. Single. One.

I’m not afraid of dying, I’m not even fearful of heights, the only thing frightening me is the world not remembering me, making me blend to billions of people who died leaving nothing in Earth but the stones of their graves and the bones of their bodies. I’m scared to make no difference and it will be happening if I jump off.

That’s why I’m stepping back right now to leave the edge. From now on, I will start seeing this building from below up to the sky, standing underneath its shadow leaving me untouched by the glaring sun and the slashing wind.

Like what I have said this is my favorite place but it’s my final visit. I will never look below again because I will never be back to stare down.

I will make a difference and I will change the world like how my vital memories at the verge of the skyscraper changed my being.

[photo from ivanmaroz of tumblr]

 Author’s note:

I had another blog. It’s Blogger and I posted things there for almost four months, I think. It started November last year and since I’m still having hard time getting to my alignment, I’ll post here what I did there.

God bless everyone. Thank you for reading.

Earth and Sky

When the sky is sad and blue, it cries waterfalls making the earth damped with the tears of loneliness, mourning and unexplainable emotions.

But when above is happy, the earth dries and withers. The earth suffers from unwanted happiness of the sky.

But I desire I am the sky. For I know there will be some ocean out there to catch my tears and add those as a part of itself.

****
Author’s note:
Hi, Jham. 🙂
Your birthday letter is not this.
But look forward to it.